As soon as I walked in the building and the door slammed behind me, I suddenly felt some sense of nebulous deja vu. Nebulous, and slightly ominous — maybe I shouldn’t be here. 

Fortunately, the problem had nothing to do either with the place specifically nor me personally (as far as I can tell), but with the box of chocolates I was carrying. Again, nothing wrong with the actual chocolates themselves, nor with the person I was about to offer them to; just something seemed off with the moment in time as a whole. 

My suspicions were confirmed when I set the box down on the desk, completing my offer since it was too late to turn back now. Ah yes, it is Lent, and I did remember correctly that this relative gives up chocolate for these 40 days. An awkward time to show up with a big box of it. 

I can fully support him and others who of commendable willpower have a Lenten fast from chocolate, just as it was very clear I wasn’t making that same refrain as I sheepishly and knowingly sang the praises of the dark chocolates. He also gives up coffee, though he helped me with my purchase of coffee beans, the other purpose of my visit. 

I had actually considered fasting from either or both of those things for myself as well, but decided against it. Honestly I just came out of my own several-months abstinence from those luxuries, although instead of being selfless in my restraint, it was quite selfish, as morning sickness rendered the smell or even thought of coffee or chocolate quite nauseating. But I am finally fully back on the chocolate train, consuming daily amounts of cocoa even possibly in excess of my substantial norm, and some days coffee is nice enough to drink. 

Perhaps it is giving myself too much of a pass, but I also am somewhat of the opinion during pregnancy that within reason, if I feel like eating it, I probably should. This growing baby belly tells me it’s working. 

At some point, I do need to be aware of the dangers of becoming too laissez-faire about the beauty of fasting. Fasting from full meals is obviously not a good choice while pregnant, but I know full well that doesn’t put me off the hook for fasting from certain foods — even if, or possibly particularly if, I feel like eating them. 

For there is a strange beauty that I find inherent in the discipline of Lenten fasting, traditional as part of these pre-Easter days as we remember Jesus’ 40 days in the desert. We focus on the discomfort in our repentance and the inescapability of our humanity; we practice the habit of resisting temptation and we remind ourselves to hunger after Christ. We were actually made to feel this ache, this longing for more, and that’s why the coming joy of Easter and redemption can be so deep. 

But I know some of my own humanity too well, and I have a tendency towards turning fasting into being about fasting instead of about Jesus. I didn’t grow up participating in any Lenten practices, and while I easily associate this time with fasting, I haven’t given as much focus to the two other traditional pillars: prayer and almsgiving. An outward-focused, positive action commitment seemed right for me this year, so I settled on 40 days of intentionally writing notes to people — an “almsgiving” of the heart? 

I haven’t stayed totally on track with one each day, but I’m keeping up with the count so far, and I’m finding it to be thoroughly meaningful, even if just on my end. In a season where Lent feels like it has turned to lament in light of so much going on in the world, we need even the tiny pieces of hope. 

And dare I say, also not-so-tiny pieces of chocolate-covered coffee beans.

Cayenne Chocolate Crunchers

Since I am not abstaining from either chocolate or coffee, I figured I might as well go for it and combine the two — especially in a low-sugar, decaf, some-protein version that we can pretend is really good for the baby since it is so good for my snacking needs. Some of you may try this and immediately decide to fast from it, and I fully admit it doesn’t fit everyone’s preferred flavors. I assume I’ll still love this combo post-pregnancy, so we’ll see. At least it’s not pickles and ice cream, right?

Prep tips: I wrote this in a not-too-large batch on purpose, but considering I’m already on round two, I should scale it up next time. 

• ¼ cup unrefined coconut oil, melted

• ¼-⅓ cup cocoa powder

• 2 tablespoons local honey, plus more to taste 

• ¼ cup decaf coffee beans

• ¼-½ cup toasted nuts of choice

• ¼-½ cup something crispy: bran cereal, rice krispies, soy protein crumbles, etc

• dash of cayenne

• pinch of coarse salt

Melt coconut oil in a glass mixing bowl, then stir in cocoa powder and honey until smooth. Add remaining ingredients, then taste and adjust — I had to add more cayenne. Transfer to a plate, smoothing out into an even layer, then pop in the fridge until set. Break into pieces, and store in an easily-accessible container in the fridge. 

Lettuce Eat Local is a weekly local foods column by Amanda Miller, who lives in rural Reno County on the family dairy farm with her husband and two small children. She seeks to help build connections through food with her community, the earth, and the God who created it all. Send feedback and recipe ideas to hyperpeanutbutter@gmail.com.